Today I recieved the following email from my almamata (sp?), Sarah Lawrence College:

Dear SLC alum,

Career Counseling has received a full-time job opportunity to work with SLC alum and author, Dr. Amanda Foreman. Please see below for a full job listing and directions on how to apply.

best,
Career Counseling

Full-time assistant position with SLC Alum, Dr. Amanda Foreman

International best-selling and prize-winning author with one book a major feature film and several projects in the works is seeking new assistant. Responsibilities include: general accounting, filing taxes, research, liaising with publishers, agents and film producers, managing three residences and a large staff and managing social and work diaries for a large family. Applicant would be asked to travel with employer on research-based trips as well as occasional other excursions. Applicant must be able to drive, willing to travel, comfortable meeting people from all walks of life and be prepared for anything to come out of left field. Previous assistant staying for four years and was much loved by all. This is a full-time position. Benefits include 3 weeks paid vacation and health insurance. Starting salary $40k+. Position based in NYC.

To apply please email a resume and cover letter to ________

So from the beginning of this email I thought, "well, I'd love to work as a published author's assistant! This could be great!" and then I see "accounting, filing taxes," and I think "yeah ok that's not happening!" and how quickly the rest of the email became "not for me". Then I started thinking how often people say "not for me" to things. When they're shopping and they get approached by a sales person thats maybe a little too pushy, or when they're on a date that just goes on and on but really goes nowhere, or when you're too scared to push yourself to really do something you've never done before. I think I've fallen into all of those things, but most recently it's been that last part. I look at jobs and sometimes its good that I can say "not for me". But I really wish I could be this chique published author's assitant.

I'm lost now.

Reversing Years of Women's Rights Work

esterday I played little miss Holly Housewife and did all of Jason's laundry and cleaned the apartment and watched wife swap all day. It felt good to lay down and masturbate on a bed that I just made myself and in a clean apartment that's kinda my home. It's funny because before I didn't know how to describe Buda to people (there *was* a time period of like 2 days before he was my boyfriend) now I don't know how to describe home. Waldi was like "oh are you at ...your real home or...your other home...?" to me on the phone the other day so I'll just call this place my Other Home. My rent and parent free other home...with a giant hole in the wall where a kitchen should be and a boiler two feet from our bedside. Bedside boiler. Sounds like a band you'd see playing at The Bamboozle.

So I think for like two weeks I'm going to try this home maker thing. I'm going to pretend its like Mona Lisa Smile kinda times for women and I'll just wake up every morning, do yoga, take a shower, have some coffee, start cleaning, start cooking (yeah I'll practice at my house so that I don't set his on fire), and just take care of my man when he gets back from work.

To all the feminists screaming at me right now...go fuck yourselves. I have a job. I'm always going to be working and being all independent...at least not until I'm married to a rich, student loan debt free, doctor. Because, that is the dream right?? He takes care of me, I'll take care of him...lmao I sound like a hooker.

Speaking of my doctor, I'd like to give a very big congratulations to my man Jason Buda for getting his Physician's Assistant's certification today! Even though he'll never read this and I have no idea where he is right now.

Goals

Today is Thursday. That means it's "get a job day." See, I told myself that every Thursday has to be "get a job" day, otherwise I'll have no discipline and turn back into the couch monster I used to be. ( Seriously I could spend over 9hrs just laying on my couch or in my bed on facebook and watching Netflix) So Chuck Lesnick told me that before I can find a job I need to write out my 1 year plan, 5 year plan, and 10 year plan for my life. This is what I came up with:

1 Year (22-23 years old)

• Not a host at Unos. Possibly high up in marketing (or on my way)
• Working at a legit organization...Being paid.
• Writing
  
• Still have free time

5 Years (26-27 years old)

• Making a good salary
• Have a manuscript
  
• Still passionate about what I do/able to let little things go
• PREGNANT?????? (hopefully not but if yes: Have a place to live. Have Love. Have money. If no: Proceed as usual and be grateful)

10 Years (31-32 years old)

• Better salary
• Working towards a positive change in the world
  
• Helping people
• Have publishers or am on my way to being self published
  
• Pregnant- Def
  
• On my way to having my own home
• HAVING FUN
  

This makes me feel both liberated and confined at the same time. I think the confined feeling is just part of growing up. Every day has to add up to the next otherwise you're just wasting time. But I left a lot of this vauge because I'm still unsure...in this way it is liberating because I don't feel I have to subscribe to just one path. I promised myself that if I ever feel stuck in something I'm going to get out of it right away. Or find a way to get out of it and start something new. I know that I probably won't be able to do that as I get older, but I figure I'll just have a mid 30s crisis and fix it up (assuming I don't have a child...yeah maybe I should rethink that "def" after preganant in 10 years....uh....)

Update!

Alright folks, it's been a while only because I couldn't figure out how to sign into this particular blog. (I'm blonde, you really must forgive me.) So here is something I posted on my live journal that should have been posted here.

The only thing that feels different about being done with college is that I no longer feel I have to finish all my work before I can read post secrets on Sunday. I used to tell myself that I couldn't read post secrets on Sundays until I felt satisfied with the work I did and was ready to just relax. (Ironically, I always broke my promise to myself and ended up reading them as a means of procrastination.) But now there is no work, and now there is no procrastination. It's really liberating.

I've been back and forth between locations to call home and places to find time to write in. I'm ashamed to say I forgot about writing for a while. But I think that's because I was in a research phase. Meaning I was out there living my life for a minute and I think it's paid off. Learned a lot.

I'll report back shortly =] I wish I actually had fans who wanted to know what I should write about. That'd be fun. I could give you a little poll. Like would you rather hear about

1. Where I'm "living".
2. Graduation Day. (it was fun, good stories)
3. The Day After Graduation day. (even more fun, great stories)
4. What it means to be an adult
5. HOW ANGRY I AM AT BLOGSPOT
6. All of the above minus 5.

Just picked up my thesis from Mary's office and started to read it in my car. I thought I bull shitted the conclusion but as I reread it today everything kind of hit me.
So I sat down to edit it so that I can deposit it when "dirt off your shoulder's" came on and I was like yeah, I got this.
I highly recommend the Jay-Z station on Pandora to anybody whose questioning their paths right now.

Welcome!

Welcome to the first entry of a new chapter in my life. For about eight years I've kept a live journal accessible only to a select few. When my feelings turn into words they're strong and I've always been really insecure about who could handle them, who cared about them, and who they would offend. I'm constantly neurotic and paranoid...writing is the only way for me to sort things out. I'd like to share my "self-sifting" with anyone interested in reading. I think it's safe to say I'm coming closer each day to finding my voice, or being more comfortable in my own voice...
So, since I don't have anything BIG to start out with, other than the fact that it took me months to motivate myself to start this and finally pick a blog title and a blog name, and figure out who i'd show it to...I guess I'll just give an overview of my hopes for the future of this blog.
I hope to find and document each day's idiosyncrasies, short comings, exciting happenings, and how it effects my identity. I truly am trying to figure out if there is life after college and I think my journey into being an adult will be pretty interesting to read, or at least look back on.
It's just that I didn't really feel like an adult in college...and now that I'm out of it, or about to be in one week and three days, I keep finding myself in situations where I go "oh, ok this is what adults DO, therefore I have to do this." The scariest realization I've had to face is that my parents are HUMANS! OMG! They have feelings just like mine! They have raised me in x, y, and z way for REASONS! This all sounds very obvious. Maybe what I mean to say is, I've been faced with situations where I could be selfish (not just with my parents) and do what will satisfy me, but in the end it's about making sacrifices...I think that maturity means selflessness. This outlook will continue throughout the blog, and I know I will continue to struggle with it. Everyone does. There's this reassuring collective anxiety that people my age feel. So I think I'll be alright, but I know I'm good at writing drama and I love to flesh out characters so I hope my character is intriguing enough that it makes you want to stick around! (Also, always open to feedback on how to be more interesting/a better person/what's NOT ok to write about on a blog)
=]